Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
