New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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