Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
