a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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