i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
