is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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