no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
