bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
