Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
