yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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