he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
