Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
