you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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