do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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