gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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