hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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