Sry I called you an 8
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
