I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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