Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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