My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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