he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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