somebody snuck up and got me drunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
