Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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