Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
