I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
