im holly from the hills drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
