a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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