No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
