I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
