We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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