we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
