I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
