And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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