there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
