If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
