I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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