how can u be prego again
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
