this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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