what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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