Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
