Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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