My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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