I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
