i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
