i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
