i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
