I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
