Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
