Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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