Soap is not a condiment
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
