no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
