we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
