I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
