I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
