I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
