He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
