I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
