4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
