grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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