found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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