he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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