So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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