i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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