you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
