About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
how does that bad decision feel?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
