Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
