Define "chronic" masturbator.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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