I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
