i don't like sucking hair
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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