I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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