I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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