You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
