Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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